Monday, November 21, 2011

Hold Your Devil By His Spoke And Spin Him To The Ground.

Happy Thanksgiving !!

Hello everyone. I hope everyone reading this had a nice weekend being thankful for all that went down this past year. Well, I don't have an enormous list of things that I'm thankful for because I've walked bare foot down and up the stairs of hell this year but hey, I'm alive. That is good, right? Even with the terrible bad cold I have right now lol.

    Even still, it's not enough for this experience called life. Just living? Existing? It's never been enough for me. There's like this lil beast inside that rages to do things, grow, stretch, test things to the limit. Life has to be intense, extreme even. I’m a Porsche that’s built to race, hugging the side of the road, screaming to go a little bit faster. There’s this yearning to feel, to taste all that can be experienced. And yet it’s sooo hard when you’re surrounded by endless lanes of blah. I find myself slowing down to plan for the next exit on the fwy. And lately my car has been stuck on idle.  For me, that’s worst than the engine dying.

So much of these has a lot to do with things around me. The government vainly marching its way down the circus of hell? The economy on a roller coaster? The once simple lives of many now being so complicated and twisted? The people who are unfortunately unaware of how beautiful this life could be? I look at the hate drowning slowly in the deep of our hearts and the destruction sneaking where greed dug holes in our minds. I see how much evil has come to dwell in our lives taking selves, one by one and how hypocrisy has left us blind. The blossom of love is over and I just can't help asking; when will the chosen one come to sow new ones?

They want to say we live in a perfect world. Perfection is defined without a flaw and I don't see a flawless world. I see a world full of hate, anger, greed, jealousy and despair. A world where children are dying, fetuses are aborted, innocent people are gunned down and murdered. A place where stereotypes lead to suicide and rape victims are just added to statistics. A world where war isn't a problem but more so; a solution. Where revolutions would not be possible without ammunition and humans would not be murdered if it weren't for hate. Pleads of help fill the streets and yet their begs continue to be unheard. Poverty is avoided and most people don't take the time to realize how lucky they are just to be alive.We're all led to believe that this is such a wonderful place and as human beings we are prone to be selfish, but there are some few who choose to be selfless. They choose to hear the soft cries of the lonely, broken and sorrowful tears of those who have lost all hope. We were all raised to be kind, polite and help each other as we were taught that God did create everything. Yes He did, but He didn't create evil. Evil only exists when you yourself create and walk into it.

Well amidst all these crazy outbursts of evil, The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect the person to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect the person to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans but that's the thing; Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; and it is so incredibly messy that people around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. We can't breathe the same way or function quite right without it. See, that's the thing about love; you hold it up to all these images you've learned to attach to the word 'love' since you were little. We learn so many things about love before we are even capable of falling; "Don't rush in". "Keep steady". What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

"Love is a battlefield." never really made sense because it is contrary to everything we have been taught to believe; how 'love' is supposed to be. But it is so entirely different. Love isn't the person calming you down when you yell. It's the person yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't the person bringing you pretty things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet s/he showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. We are human beings. We don't handle one another, and we can't be handled. We are mutable creatures that need something different everyday; need something more or less to keep us going, to keep us believing that it's not all for nothing. So NO, it's not telling you everything is going to be all right, it's the person standing there, admitting s/he's just as scared as you are.

You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. you've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, "Here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you, as long as you have it." That's the thing about love. It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the s**t out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it and it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and just feeling.


1, We Don't Eat - James Vincent McMorrow
To me, it's about someone whose been searching for faith in God throughout their life and then goes on to talk about humanity searching for the last 2000 years for God. I think the statements about "We don't eat until your father's at the table, We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust" is about doing things with faith/trust even though we don't entirely understand it.

2,  Are We There Yet? - Ingrid Michealson
I think this is simply about someone, maybe a couple, going through a rough time, and just hoping and waiting that someday everything will fall in to place.



NakedSha said...

I love you, BH.

Harry Itie (BaldBlackBoy) said...

Awww..this is an awesome post....

Me LOVE!!!

Muse Origins said...

Your last paragraph- i think that's what scares me the most about love

Muse Origins

Anonymous said...

Well written. Good one

femmelounge said...

hope you had a good thanksgiving. be back soon:)